After Knockdown
by creative-mind78
Summary: This AU story takes place after the events of episode 3x13, Knockdown. Kate can't forget about the passionate kiss she and Castle shared... read what happens... My idea of "what-if" after one of my favourite episodes... reviews are welcome! As usual, I do not own the characters. All rights belong to their respective owners.
1. Chapter 1

After Knockdown

Her visit at Riker's had been unsurprisingly fruitless. On the ride back to Manhattan, Kate replayed the partial conversation she had had with Lockwood. _I will get him to talk to me someday_ , Kate thought determinedly, " _it is, in the long run, only of matter of time – and I have got plenty of that!"_

It was early evening and she wasn't on call, so instead of driving to the precinct to do some long overdue paperwork, Kate headed directly to her apartment. Apart from her futile trip to prison, there was this one other incident that kept her mind from taking a long-wanted break: the kiss that she and Castle had shared a couple of nights ago was something that could not be ignored – the memory of it had burnt itself in her heart and now, Kate felt like slow burn of passion upon her mind, every time she had to think of Castle's lips on hers.

Arriving at home, Kate tried to distract herself from thinking about their kiss any longer, but soon, she had to admit to herself that it was a lost cause. Neither cleaning up her kitchen nor reading a thrilling book could help her keep her mind off of Castle…..

 _Well, isn't this great_ , she cursed internally, _I guess there is nothing else I can do_ , and while thinking that, she grabbed her phone and quickly dialed Castle's number. At hearing the ringing sound, she almost lost her confidence and was tempted to end the call, when,

"Hello Beckett, why are you calling? I thought you weren't on shift today…" Castle began their talk.

"Yeah, you're right," Kate replied undetermined, "well, I, … look, I was calling you because…. " she stuttered, not sure how to continue their conversation.

"Kate, is everything alright?" Castle inquired somewhat worried. "You sound rather shaken up…. did Lockwood give you a hard time at Riker's?" he asked cautiously.

"No, not at all, he was as mute as a fish, giving me the cold shoulder treatment and some eye-staring, but, hey, you know me, that won't scare me away," Kate told him with a soft chuckle.

"Ok, if it's not about you facing Lockwood, then why are you calling? There must be something bothering you Kate – and don't tell me it's nothing, because I do know your NOTHING, Kate Beckett" Castle told her in a knowing, sympathetic voice.

 _Oh, Rick, if only I could tell you what keeps my mind spinning…. these tempting thoughts of your blue eyes, gazing into mine, your strong, masculine arms pulling me into a tight, warm embrace, your luscious lips meeting mine, the intoxicating taste of your mouth, our tongues clashing in…._

"Kate, did you just say something about the intoxicating taste of my mouth and clashing tongues…?" Rick almost yelled in his mobile. He had absolutely no idea what to think about the words that had just come out of his partner's beautiful mouth. _Hell, I guess I am going slightly mad_ , _or I must have died and gone to some kind of Beckett-heaven,_ he shook his head in disbelief.

Realizing that she must have involuntarily vocalized her fantasies, Kate stood frozen in shock, her mobile glued in her hand, pressed tightly to her right ear. Her left hand had wandered to her mouth, covered it in sheer panic.

 _Oh, shit, shit, shit_ , Kate cursed mentally, closing her eyes in the process, _did I just say tha ?_

"Kate, are you still with me…" Castle asked tentatively, now a little worried that he might have pushed too far with his spontaneous remark.

"Ehm, yeah, sure, I'm still here, Castle", Kate replied embarrassedly. "Look, about what I just said, can we just forget about it? I guess it was just my overtired brain forming random thoughts," she tried to explain, but had to admit that even to herself this statement sounded pretty lame.

"Kate, I don't believe you," Castle insisted in a calm voice. "This was much more than just your 'overtired brain'… listen, funny coincidence, I am currently just two blocks away from your place, why don't we discuss this eye-to-eye?" he suggested gently. "I will bring some Chinese food on my way. See you in 20 minutes"

Before Kate had a chance to reply, Castle quickly ended the call and left her speechless…


	2. Chapter 2

Okay, Kate, I guess now is the time, she said to herself. Standing in her cozy living room, Kate let the realization sunk in that Castle would arrive at her place really soon, and he wanted to talk about….the kiss….and more…?

"OH MY GOD", Kate exclaimed into her empty apartment, _how will I explain myself? He must think that I am out of my mind…._ Kate continued her inner ramblings. Countless thoughts came and passed by, only to lead to one and the same conclusion: Kate was looking forward to meeting with Castle.

If she was honest with herself, the anticipation of seeing him brought butterflies to her stomach and Kate suddenly felt like a love-struck teenager again. Still, she could remember this wonderful kiss she and Castle had shared – granted, it happened spontaneously, a distraction to list the guard, but, nevertheless, Kate couldn't stop thinking that there was more than just that. _Castle must have felt it, too,_ she pondered, _I could see it in his eyes, feel it in the way he kissed me_ …

Standing there deep in thought, Kate lost count of time, when suddenly, there was a soft knock on her apartment door.

With shaky legs, Kate approached the door and reached for the doorknob, slowly turning it and opening her apartment for her visitor. The first thing she saw was – red? , _What is this?_ Kate asked herself, _he brought me - flowers? That's so sweet…_

In front of her face, she was met with a huge bunch of red roses that quickly spread a sensual scent all over her apartment. Above the flowers, she could see Castle's smiling face and her heart melted instantly, the remaining worries and concerns in her mind crumbling bit by bit.

"Hello Castle, so great to see you, please come in", Kate begged him inside.

"Yeah, thanks. And, oh, these" – he pointed at the roses with his the hand that held the food bag – "are for you"

Rather clumsily, he handed her the flowers and made his way to her kitchen counter to place the bag with the Chinese food on the table.

"Hey Castle, why don't you grab us some plates and silverware while I'm giving these lovely flowers some water, ok?" Kate asked him with a shy smile.

"Sure, no problem Kate. I hope you are hungry, I'm afraid I bought a little too much food on my way here…. " Castle stated sheepishly, looking at the huge brown bag in front of him.

"No worries, Castle, I didn't expect anything less," Kate smirked, "and, it's no secret that I am a fan of left-overs. Kinda gives my fridge a right to exist, you know…?"

After having said that, she headed to the cabinet which contained vases and other stuff she rarely used. Rick did not hesitate and began opening the bag, his mouth watering at the scent of the food he had selected.

Kate, in the meantime, busied herself with getting a fitting vase for the flowers from her kitchen cupboard. With decisive movements, she poured water into the vase, put the flowers inside and turned around to place the vase on her kitchen counter.

Castle, on the opposite side of the kitchen, was busy emptying the brown paper bag and began to gather a considerable amount of food boxes on the counter in front of him.

Just as he had finished his task, he quickly turned around to grab some plates and cutlery from the corresponding cabinets.

BANG,

their heads and bodies collided in the middle of her kitchen, both of them frozen in their movements, and the vase that Kate was holding in her hands fell on the kitchen floor and bursted into dozens of broken pieces of glass, the water splashing around their feet, so that Kate and Castle suddenly stood in the middle of a chaotic puddle of what used to be a filled flower vase…

Unable to resist, they locked their eyes and stared at each other. The chaos at their feet remained unnoticed by both of them, their minds clearly focused on more important tasks right now.

There were no words needed. Slowly, Rick lifted his arms and cradled Kates face in his warm hands. Tenderly, he stroke her cheeks with his thumbs and gave her a loving smile. Reacting by instinct, Kate couldn't help but letting her hands move to his neck, holding him, and returning his beaming smile.

Bit by bit, like magnetic pull, their heads minimized their distance to each other, and then, when their lips finally met, Rick's and Kate eyes were eventually closed. Overwhelmed with emotion, a firework of desire and attraction was burning in their minds, making it impossible for both of them to pull away from the other. They stood there, in her kitchen, in the middle of broken glass and a puddle of water, red roses at their feet, holding each other frantically, kissing passionately. Time didn't seem to exist anymore and everything else around them seemed forgotten…

When the need for oxygen became unbearable, they reluctantly pulled away and gave each other a look that left no doubt…

" So, Kate, about what you said earlier – now, is my mouth intoxica….." He couldn't finish his bold statement, being interrupted by Kate's swollen lips that were pressed on his own rather demandingly.

" Oh Rick, I can tell you, I am already addicted" Kate replied in a seductive voice. "Now, how about we find out how the rest of your body tastes…"

Needless to say, the Chinese food remained untouched that night…


	3. Chapter 3

After Knockdown , Chapter 3

It was still early in the morning. Small, almost fragile looking sunrays found their way through the shutters and purple curtains in Kate's bedroom and kissed her eyelids awake. On the spacious bed that was placed in the middle of the room, Kate and Rick lay snuggled closely to each other, their nude bodies only covered by a thin cotton blanket.

Rick was still sound asleep. After last night's activities, he was comfortably exhausted. Resting on his side, he took even, deep breaths and looked completely at peace. Kate, who had awoken only a couple of minutes ago by the rising sun, opened her eyes slowly and watched her partner who held her slim body close to his nude chest.

Kate's thought drifted back to the prior evening… and she had to suppress a smile. Finally, she had given in to temptation and made love with Castle. To say that it had been great would have been an absolute understatement. Kate had trouble finding the right words in her mind to describe the experience she and Castle had finally shared last night….the emotions she felt were completely new to her, no other men, not even Josh…

… Oh my God, Josh! Kate screamed internally. Realization sunk in with a bang. She had cheated on her boyfriend….her charming, friendly boyfriend, who was currently risking his own well-being in Africa to help those who needed medical attention.

The more she thought about her actions, the faster grew the urge to leave her cosy bed. She had to clear her mind, and Kate knew that she would never succeed with that task if she would stay here, lying naked in Castle's strong arms.

Slowly, careful not to wake him, Kate disengaged herself from his embrace and reached for her bathrobe. She quickly pulled it on and made her way to the kitchen to pour some urgently-needed coffee. Still barefoot, she entered her living room where hers and Castle's clothes were messily spread around on the floor. It took no genius to figure out what had happened here yesterday, Kate thought to herself. As she got to her coffee machine, Kate yawned loudly. She, too, was still tired. Their nightly activities had taken their toll, and Kate's face reddened at the thought of how sore her body felt in certain spots.

Lost in her memories, Kate watched the coffee machine doing its work and took a fresh mug out of the cabinet. She needed to sort her thoughts, and coffee was an absolutely essential requirement for that task.

Groaning, Castle awoke suddenly. In his dream, he was hearing a woman's yawn. Or did he really hear that sound? It took him a moment to gather his surroundings. After a second or two, he had no doubt that he was in Kate's bed, in his birthday suit, so to speak. He had had some very vivid dreams about Kate and him making love….had this really been a dream or was it real? Castle looked around confused. Okay, the sheets were wrinkled and the pillows formed a messy pile at the end of the bed… and he was nude, the only thing preserving his modesty a thin blanket. But where was Kate? Bit by bit, memories of last night came back to his still foggy mind, and he smiled happily when he recalled the wonderful things Kate and him had said … and done.

Slowly he rose up from the bed and looked around for his boxer shorts. Luckily, he found them on a wooden chair that stood next to the window. With swift movements, he slipped into his underwear and walk across Kate's living room.

In the middle of the kitchen, he spotted Kate. She wore a silken bathrobe in a light purple color, her golden brown locks hang loosely around her shoulders, and she was focused on the coffee maker in front of her. To Castle, she never looked more beautiful. His heart was dancing with joy at her sight… God, he was crazy about that woman… had been for quite some time. Last night, so he hoped, had finally marked a change in their partnership. Silently, he approached her from behind…

Kate did not hear him coming. She was watching her coffee being poured when suddenly, she felt Castle's strong arms firmly embracing her from behind. Softly, he pulled her back to his naked chest, rested his chin on her shoulder and deeply inhaled the subtle scent of cherries that was coming from her long hair.

"Morning", he gently purred into her ear. Then, without waiting for her reply, he pressed a light kiss on her temple. Kate shivered at the feeling. The doubts that had clouded her brain only mere moments before seemed to have vanished to nowhere.

Tentatively, she turned around, eager not to lose contact to his body, and put her hands on his shoulders. Silently, they locked their eyes. For a moment, all that was exchanged between them were loving looks. Looks, that kept a promise for more, a hope for … togetherness. Just like last night, their heads shortened their distance to each other and Rick's and Kate's lips met in a sensual, passionate kiss…

It was in the middle of some heated foreplay, when Kate's wits prevailed and she reluctantly pushed Castle away.

"Rick, wait, we cannot keep doing that. Remember, technically, I am still in a relationship with Josh."

The mention of Kate's boyfriend felt like a bucket of ice water to Rick. Instantly, he increased the distance to her and gave her a questioning look. She immediately missed the warm contact of his body on hers.

"Kate, I know that you are officially with Josh, but you can't deny the fact that what we did last night was more than just sex…. " Castle began his pleadings. The loving look he gave her made Kate weak in the knees. Of course, the attraction that Castle felt for her was not one- sided. This she had finally admitted to herself last night. A decision had to be made.

"Kate, I just need you to know that I want to be more than just your friend or your partner at work. I want to be your partner in every sense of this word… and if you feel the same way, you would make me the happiest man alive. But, if you want to pursue your relationship with Josh, I would understand that…and we will never talk about last night's actions again." Kate could see in his eyes that these last words were undoubtedly not what he was hoping for.

Gently he caressed her face with his hands, then Castle turned around, collected his clothes from the living room floor and went back to Kate's bedroom to get dressed.

 _What do you want Kate?_ she asked herself. There were two men in her life who wanted a relationship with her. Whatever she would decide, soon she would have to break the heart of either one of them…


	4. Chapter 4

After getting dressed, Castle had said goodbye and was on his way back to the loft. He and Kate had agreed that they should give each other some time to think about last night – and Kate had to make a decision about her future, there was no doubt about that. Castle did not want to put pressure on Kate – he had made a point – he wanted to dive in with her, to be her partner in every aspect of life. Castle and Kate agreed to meet for coffee later that afternoon in a small diner in Kate's neighborhood. Despite of last night's events neither one of them wanted to avoid contact, so they thought that it would be a good idea to do normal stuff like friends.

While Kate was sitting on her cozy couch, a warm coffee mug in her left hand, she remembered that she still hadn't checked her cell phone for missed calls. Since 6 a.m. this morning she had been technically on call, and she did not want to miss any phone calls from the precinct. Rapidly, she stood up and walked across her living room to the kitchen counter where her cell phone was still lying, unused. Kate remembered that she had muted it before her visit to Lockwood, and had forgotten to change the notification settings afterwards. Too many thoughts were flooding her brain at that point – she simply forgot about it. From afar, Kate already saw the tiny blue LED lamp blinking frantically, an indication for a new voice message.

 _Damn_ , cursed Kate silently _, I hope it wasn't Espo or Ryan trying to reach me because of a new case_ ….

Quickly she tapped on her phone's display and held the mobile to her right ear to listen to her message.

The mailbox voice stated: _**You have one new message, received yesterday at 8.00 p.m. , caller unknown. To listen to this message, please dial 1**_ **–**

Kate did not keep listening to the automatic voice, instead she pressed 1 on her display and held the phone firmly pressed to her right ear, curious who could have left her a message.

When Kate heard the warm, gentle voice of Josh, her de facto boyfriend with whom she had a weird kind of long-distance-relationship, a feeling of guilt rushed over her and she couldn't suppress the bad conscience that was nagging at her mind _. I cheated on him,_ she thought bitterly _, he doesn't deserve that. He deserves better… He is a great guy, but…._

Kate took a deep breath and listened cautiously to Josh's words to her. The line was pretty bad; there were lots of disturbing noises and Kate had trouble to understand each word properly.

"Hey , honey, it's me, so,… looks as if the current mission over here in Nigeria has come to an abrupt ending. So, what I mean is I will be coming home soon. My plane from Lagos will arrive at JFK airport tomorrow at noon, East Coast time. Maybe you can pick me up, baby?

 _There was a brief break_.

And… Kate… I lo…."

BEEEEEP MESSAGE IS OVER. TO DELETE THIS MESSAGE, PRESS…

The message was over, the time for a recording had elapsed _. Oh my gosh_ , Kate thought, _this means that Josh will be in New York in…_.. she hectically took a look at the male wristwatch that she wore, _shit, his plane would land in 3 hours,_ Kate realized.

In a hurry, she tried to call her boyfriend back, but to no avail _. Silly me_ , she said to herself _, of course his mobile is turned off while being on the plane….._

Quickly, Kate busied herself with some housework while she gave her bedroom some extra attention. She changed the rumpled sheets, put the dirty blankets and linens in which she and Castle had made passionate love the night before in the washing machine and put a considerable amount of washing detergent onto the laundry load.

Afterwards, she threw the Chinese left-overs in the trash and cleaned her coffee machine. A quick shower and some fresh clothes, and Kate was ready to meet her homecoming boyfriend. Taking a last look to her wristwatch she realized she was already late _. I gotta hurry if I want to be there on time,_ Kate thought breathlessly. Then, she suddenly remembered that she had a coffee date with Castle in the afternoon, which, of course, she would have to cancel now. With trembling fingers, she wrote a short message for Castle. It read:

 _Hi, Rick, I'm sorry but I have to cancel our coffee plans. Josh returns today from Lagos. Picking him up soon. I'll give you a call. Kate_

During her ride to JFK international airport, Kate tuned in her favorite radio station. There was a bittersweet love song playing, and Kate's mind automatically drifted up and she had to think of Castle… the lyrics said…

… _Oh, you're in my veins, and I cannot get you out….._

 _Oh, you're all I taste –at night, inside of my mouth …_

Lost in her memories, Kate's romantic thoughts were suddenly interrupted when the radio host's serious voice was heard:

 **Sorry to cut this wonderful song from Andrew Belle short, guys, but we got some tragic breaking news that has just come to our newsroom: a passenger airplane that was heading from Lagos, Nigeria to JFK airport this morning has reportedly crashed into the Atlantic Ocean. The plane was due to arrive at New York International airport JFK at noon today. Reasons for the crash are still unknown. Rumor has it that this was a terroristic attack of a small African paramilitary terror cell, but at this point, we cannot confirm this information. At present, there is no reliable information about any alleged survivors of this crash, because the airline cannot provide detailled passenger lists. Witnesses on a fishing trawler claim that there was a huge fireball to be seen in the sky, just before they saw pieces of a plane come down… this is some very disturbing news….as soon as we have any new information, we will share with you immediately. Our thoughts and prayers are with the victims and their families and friends.**

 **We will now continue with our program.**

 _Everything is dark._

 _It's more than you can take._

 _But you catch a glimpse of sun light._

 _Shinin, down on your face._

The rest of the song was just like a blurred cloud of words for Kate. With hectic movements, she pulled her car over and slammed on the brakes. The driver in the car behind her honked like mad and made an annoyed face in her direction when he overtook her standing car, but Kate did not pay any attention to that. She was in shock.

Here, in the middle of Brooklyn Bridge, she left her car and walked on wobbly legs straight to the bridge railing that was supposed to keep suicidal individuals who sought relief in death from jumping.

A cold breeze hit her face and goosebumps formed on her skin. Kate closed her eyes and took a deep breath. A single tear escaped her eye and fell down on the cold concrete to her feet.

 _Dead_ , her mind thought, _Josh is dead…. His last words to me were 'I think I lo…' , but he never got the chance to tell me the whole sentence, he will never get chance to tell me in person…. Because he is dead….I cheated on him and he is dead…. Oh my God… how did this happen….?_

Everything felt numb. Kate closed her eyes.

Her phone rang, but Kate ignored it.

She took a step forward, tentatively opened her eyes and looked down at the cold, powerful masses of water that were flowing with merciless speed below her feet - East River…

 _Oh you're in my veins_

 _And I cannot get you out…_

 _Song quoted in this chapter: Andrew Belle - In my veins All rights go to their legal owners_


	5. Chapter 5

After Knockdown chapter 5

Several hours later, Kate was still in shock. She had been standing on that bridge for almost 20 minutes before a police car pulled over and two concerned officers asked about her intentions. After showing the uniforms her badge, they left her alone, but demanded nevertheless that she should leave the bridge soon.

Now, after returning home, Kate was sitting on her couch and couldn't stop crying. Her phone had been ringing several times, but she didn't pay much attention to it. Meanwhile, it was late afternoon and Kate didn't know what to do… she just felt completely helpless and overwhelmed with emotions. Suddenly, her empty stomach grumbled and reminded her that she hadn't eaten anything since that morning…

Sighing loudly, she stood up and walked to her fridge. Taking a quick look inside, she realized that there was nothing edible at all. _Of course_ , she thought bitterly, _same sight as yesterday at this time….._

Kate decided to order some Chinese food from her favorite take-away place. She desperately needed some comfort food right now. Her thoughts needed to be sorted and her brain couldn't work properly without food, Kate had to admit that to herself eventually.

With trembling hands, she dialed the number of the restaurant and ordered her preferred dish.

Then, she turned to her kitchen radio and switched it on, hoping that some music would help her to lighten up her mood – she just wasn't ready to grieve, she didn't want to get lost in sadness….not now, though. There would be another time for grief, and sadness, Kate knew that well enough, but right now, she wanted to get lost in music and good memories….but the song that was playing didn't help her much with that task. It was a song of one of Kate's favorite performers, Eddie Vedder. Ever since her teenage days, Kate had always been a huge fan of Pearl Jam, and of course she loved the solo albums that the lead singer had published.

The lyrics were not new to Kate, but today, they had a totally different meaning… a guitar was playing and Kate listened cautiously to Eddie Vedder's remarkable voice:

Have no fear

For when I'm alone

I'll be better off

Than I was before

I've got this light

I'll be around to grow

Who I was before

I cannot recall

Long nights allow me to feel I'm falling... I am falling

The lights go out

Let me feel I'm falling, I am falling safely to the ground

Ah...

I'll take this soul that's inside me now

Like a brand new friend

I'll forever know

I've got this light and the will to show

I will always be

Better than before

When the music stopped playing, Kate's face was covered with tears. She didn't even realize she started crying while listening to the song. There, standing in the middle of her kitchen, Kate suddenly faced the truth: her boyfriend was dead….dead…and he would never return…

Sobbing, she slowly sank down on the floor and tried to tame her chaotic thoughts. Of course, she was devastated by the loss of Josh, who had always been a great friend, and lover, but… deep down inside Kate had to admit that this cruel tragedy that had happened had involuntarily helped her making a decision with her mind that her heart had already done long before.

Her heart had already chosen Castle, there was no doubt about that, Kate had to admit that to herself.… and now, that her relationship with Josh had come to a sudden end in one of the most possible horrible ways, Kate felt strangely relieved. Relieved, because she didn't have to choose anymore. Kate hated herself for thinking that way, but she couldn't help it… her heart was dictating her mind what to think….

Fate had chosen for her – she did despise the way it happened and felt extremely guilty for knowing that Josh's last words to her were words of love – left on her mailbox just moments before she had cheated on him with Castle….that realization stung, it was a thought that Kate couldn't wipe away….

Tears kept falling down her beautiful face – Kate was obviously overwhelmed with the situation at hand. Between two bitter sobs, she heard a soft knock on her door. With wobbling legs, she stood up and walked to her door. Looking through the spyhole, she saw that it was Castle on the other side of the door, a very concerned look on his face.

 _Oh my god, I cannot talk to him right now_ , Kate thought desperately while she was turning away from the door. In a helpless gesture, she ran her fingers through her long brown locks, when she heard Castle's soft voice saying: " Kate? I know that you are at home…. Please, open up the door… I…, look, I know what has happened… saw it on the news… I'm so sorry… can you please let me in? I just want to make sure that you are ok, please?"

His voice sounded somehow helpless and caring, and Kate couldn't resist opening her door and facing him. She needed him now, after all. She needed her friend, she needed someone to give her a hug, someone who would tell her that everything was going to be alright… so she turned the doorknob.

His first initial thought was to take her into his arms, which he did. She looked so small, so desperate and sad, and Castle's heart was bleeding at her sight.

With two quick steps, he entered her apartment and hugged her tightly.

"Oh, Kate, I am so, so sorry… " he earnestly said. Kate didn't reply, she just kept sobbing. Her tears fell down like waterfalls and soaked his dress shirt, but Castle didn't care about that. All he could think about at that moment was to calm his best friend during this stressful time she was going through.

Eventually, the tears stopped and Kate lifted her head. With teary eyes, she searched for Castle's blue ones and gazed at him intensely.

"Let's just sit down for a moment, shall we, Rick?" she asked with a silent, hoarse voice.

"Of course, anything you want Kate", Castle replied understandingly, "I just want you to know that I am here for you – whatever it is you may need – a shoulder to cry on, someone to make you dinner, an advice-giver… anything, you just say it and it's done!" he told her with a sympathetic voice.

 _Oh, this man is so good to me,_ Kate thought. _What have I done to deserve this wonderful human being in my life?_

Silently, she nodded to him and they crossed the room to sit down on her couch. For a few minutes, no words were spoken, they just sat there next to each other – Castle had put his arm around Kate's shoulders and pressed her body tightly to his. Both secretly loved the feeling of being so close to one another, but neither of them admitted it aloud. After a short moment, Kate took a deep breath and turned her head to Castle.

"Rick, what I am going to tell you now must sound horrible somehow, but, I do not know a better way to describe my feelings…"she stuttered tentatively.

"Kate, whatever it is… I will understand", Castle replied with a slight smile on his face. Inside his mind, though, he was deeply afraid, because now, he feared that Kate would tell him that she did not want to give them a shot after the tragic events earlier….but that thought was quickly gone. He was determined to be there for her in these unnerving times, whether as a friend or a lover…of course he always preferred the latter, but now was by far not the right time to bring up that topic, Castle was well aware of that.

"What I am trying to say is, that… even before this tragedy had happened, I had made up my mind, or, shall I say, my heart had decided what to to…. I realized that earlier today, when I was sitting on my kitchen floor crying…" she continued telling him with a sad voice.

"Kate…. I am not sure I can follow you… what do you want to tell me?" Castle asked her , visibly confused.

With a deep sigh, Kate looked into his eyes and said: "Rick, my heart has chosen you. It has been you all along, even before I met Josh. I always loved you, not him…I just never wanted to admit that to myself. It's just so tragic that Josh had to die to make me realize that…." By saying these words, new, fresh tears started to build in her eyes. After all, she still felt horrible about Josh's unexpected death.

Castle couldn't believe what he had just heard. Did she really just choose him, despite all the horrible things that were happening in her life? In disbelief, he looked at her, but all he was met with was an open, sincere, but still shy smile. Her look was full of hope – and love. For a moment, Richard Castle, wordsmith and best-selling author, was lost for words. He just couldn't help but smile back at her.

Slowly, their heads approached and their lips met in a slow, innocent kiss. It was just a mere brush of lips, but for Kate and Rick, it was a promise for more – a promise of a future together…. Castle cautiously deepened the kiss by brushing his tongue across her lips, which she opened almost instantly for him. For a moment, all they could feel was joy and happiness.

After ending their passionate kiss several moments later, Kate stood up and reached for his hands. When he was standing next to her, she took a step closer and whispered into his ear: "Please make love to me tonight, Rick. I want to feel something positive – there have been enough negative feelings for today… just help me forget…."

Josh's death seemed to be suppressed; Kate desperately tried to focus on some positive emotions. Finally, she had committed to her true feelings, and those emotions of love she felt for Castle obviously outweighed the grief she felt for Josh's sudden passing.

Castle, who hesitated at first, couldn't fight his passionate feelings for Kate any longer. With a swift movement, he lifted her up in his arms and carried her to her bedroom to make love to her… again.

Meanwhile,in the kitchen, on the counter, Kate's cell phone was vibrating. Neither she nor Castle heard it, their minds and bodies clearly otherwise engaged. The international access code number that was shown on the display stated that it was a call from another continent - Africa. When no one picked up the call, the caller left a message on the mailbox…..

Song quoted in this chapter: Long nights – by Eddie Vedder


End file.
